These past five weeks have been one crazy whirlwind. I will go into detail about the birth story in a later post, but for now I will say that the twenty hours between my water breaking and my sweet baby’s birth on Tuesday February 5th were life changing. Labor at home was a primal, spiritual, and empowering experience that brought me and Chris incredibly close together. I am very thankful we had that time together and that I was able to make so much progress through the contractions. I came very close to pushing Ashni out at home, but ultimately, her heart beat decelerated enough for us to worry about her safety. When we arrived at the hospital, it was decided that she’d be born via cesarean. Although the surgery went just fine, the policies of St. David’s North forbid anyone besides Chris from keeping me company, and I wasn’t allowed to have anyone (even Chris) with me when they prepped me. And once Ashni was removed, Chris was ushered to the nursery with her while I waited alone for the doctors to stitch me up. Eventually I was wheeled into a “recovery” area where machines beeped loudly and I lay by myself, immobilized, shaking uncontrollably. I was left to deal with the shock and devastation of the unanticipated surgery on my own as my midwife pleaded with the staff to be let in. I never did see her and after a painstaking amount of time, I was finally reunited with the baby and Chris. The next few days were then spent in the maternity ward, where despite constant traffic in and out of the room, we received very little information or support. Ultimately we made it out physically okay, but on an emotional level, the hospital’s “care” policies left us pretty wounded.
Postpartum recovery ended up being more challenging than I could have ever imagined. Here are some things I wish I had known when Ashni was born:
Prior to the birth, I knew to expect sleep deprivation because brand new babies need a lot of care, but I seriously underestimated the level of care that I myself would need. We already had maid service and prepared meals lined up (Studio Kitchen is AMAZING by the way), but it wasn’t until after the birth that I realized those things were more of a necessity than a convenience. I felt like such an invalid. Sure I could nurse the baby (not comfortably), but that was pretty much it. I couldn’t carry her around or bounce her without feeling like my insides were going to rip out. Chris took care of all the diaper changes and brought all my meals to bed. I’d get up only to shuffle to the bathroom, and even that took some assistance. A lot of the physical pain may have been the result of the nurses forgetting my last dose of pain medication though. On the day I was discharged (Friday February 8, three days after the birth), I was too delirious from lack of sleep to realize the dose was missed and that evening, the pain along my incision site was excruciating. Between that and my chewed raw nipples, I was in awful shape and could hardly move. After filling my prescription, we eventually got some of the pain under control, but even then, a lot of the physical discomfort still prevailed. Two days later, my milk came in and I became incredibly engorged. Feeding little Ashni was very difficult and I quickly learned why so many women choose not to breastfeed. We had gotten off to a rough start because I received poor lactation support in the hospital which resulted in some nipple damage. But every two hours, I endured the pain and let her latch on.
Over the next couple weeks, my nipples healed and my incision line closed up. Chris did his best to take care of me and work at the same time since his company gave him only 3 days of paternity leave. He’d wake up with me for Ashni’s nightly feedings and he’d make me breakfast before leaving for work. He’d also set me up with snacks and lunch unless he knew he was coming home to eat that day. And starting when Ashni was just 5 days old, he’d wear her in the carrier while he cooked us dinner. Valentine’s Day entailed lobster tails and asparagus in bed! A week after that, I made my first venture out for a picnic at our neighborhood duck pond, but moving around was still slow going, so most of my time was still spent inside. Chris’s parents and some very sweet friends made frequent visits to the house and periodically brought us meals – and after all we’d been through, they were very much appreciated. Then after I reached the 2 week post-op mark, Chris’s grandparents came for a visit and got to meet their first great grandchild. A week after that, I finally felt okay enough to let Chris take me and Ashni to Casa de Luz for our first restaurant meal. And that weekend, the first weekend of March, my brother flew in to town and spent some quality time with his brand new niece. He managed to keep her calm and content while Chris and I got the longest stretch of sleep that we had experienced in a month, and he even cooked us dinner – I’m not sure when my baby brother transitioned into a responsible adult, but we really enjoyed his stay!
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| Admiring Ashni (day after hospital discharge) |
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| Super Dad |
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| Recovering Mom |
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| Getting Ready for our First Picnic |
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| At the Duck Pond |
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| Ashni with her Nana, Papou, Great-Yiayia, and Great-Papou |
Ashni's grandparents got this tree so it could grow with her.
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| Zilker Park Kite Festival |
I’ve managed to do more walking recently. I walked nearly a mile (albeit slowly) when my brother was here and now I can go a bit farther. Chris and I actually walked quite a bit downtown last week and took in some of the SXSW atmosphere. I still get tired quickly and feel my abdominal muscles pull uncomfortably around the incision when I do too much, but I’m making progress. This week I’ve been able to wear Ashni in a sling for brief periods of time so hopefully I’ll get good enough at it to be productive when she’s strapped on! And one day I’ll be healed enough to work out again… not quite there yet but all in good time I suppose.
Until next time! In the meantime, enjoy this photo album: Ashni's First Month!
