We have a 3 month old!

On May 5th, Ashni turned 3 months old! Chris and I have found that she is much more babylike now. I can hold her on my hip with one arm as she sits and looks around. Also, now her little coos and squeaks have morphed into shouts, babbles, gurgles and drools. Lots of drools. Her mouth is always on something, and whatever that something is gets sopping wet. She really likes grabbing at just about anything and then bringing her hand to her mouth. When I pass her off to people, I have to be careful that she doesn’t take a little fistful of my hair with her. And when she doesn’t have something to munch on, she chews on her own tongue. Either that or she sticks both hands into her mouth and plays with her tongue and gums. It’s really cute even though it’s totally gross.

At her 3 month checkup, she weighed 13 lbs, 10 oz. Also, she did a lot better with her next round of vaccines. She got Prevnar (to protect against pneumococcal bacteria) and ActHib (Hib is a bacterial disease that can cause meningitis). Those two shots are typically given at 2 months with DTaP and Rotavirus (so no vaccines are given at 3 months), but we decided to spread them out to reduce aluminum overload. And at the appointment, our doctor actually advised us to discontinue DTaP since Ashni had nightly screaming fits for the first three weeks following her initial dose of the vaccine. He thought it was a neurological reaction to the pertussis component of the shot. It’s a shame that the whooping cough vaccine comes with such terrible side effects.

Pediatrician Visit at 3 Months

Ashni’s 3 month birthday came with another big event – mommy’s return to work. I’ve been back for two weeks now and it’s been crazy. I’m working from home for the most part, but when I go in physically, Chris’s parents come over to watch Ashni. I’m glad that I’m bringing in some income without putting my baby in a childcare facility, but the very first week, I was unsure how long I could make it last – I was very overwhelmed and my workload seemed daunting. Staying up into the wee hours of the night, I was able to get things done, but I felt like I was completely neglecting my family. Thankfully, after a few days of continuous work, I got some downtime to catch my breath, and it didn’t seem so terrible anymore. My work typically comes in waves so there’s no telling how busy I can be. It seems like I can manage for now, but I’ll be taking it one week at a time.

And next week will be big – Chris and I are taking our first real trip with the baby. We’re flying to Atlanta so my parents can meet Ashni. We’re also planning a road trip to the Outer Banks of North Carolina for a wedding. That’s 630 miles from my parents’ house, or roughly an 11 hour drive. Ashni doesn’t usually enjoy her car seat so we’re already anticipating a challenge, but hopefully a week at the beach will be worth it!

Baby’s First Pediatrician Visit

Every day I look at Ashni, she seems just a little bit bigger. Even in the span of a day, Chris will remark that she has grown between the time he left for work and the time he got back. She’s now at least 4 lbs heavier than her birth weight and she’s 3 inches taller – two weeks ago, at her 2 month pediatrician visit, she weighed in at 12 lbs 5 oz. Chris and I find it crazy that a person can grow so much by consuming only breast milk, nature is an amazing thing! Ashni is clearly thriving and we’re so very fortunate that all is well.

A couple weeks ago, we weren’t so sure. Her initial visit with the doctor was good and I was even commended for doing a great job feeding her since she was growing so well. But then the nurse administered her first round of vaccines. First we fed Ashni her initial dose of the 3 dose oral rotavirus vaccine, RotaTeq. I was unhappy with the ingredient profile – after being so cautious to limit artificial ingredients and preservatives in my own diet to produce cleaner milk, it felt ridiculous to feed her those kinds of things directly. But I had gone back and forth for a really long time and finally decided to go ahead with it. Next, she got her first DTaP shot, Sanofi’s Daptacel. This one made us both unhappy. Poor Ashni screamed when the needle went in her thigh and I had to nurse her for quite awhile before her pained crying subsided. Because whooping cough has made a resurgence in Austin and can be fatal for infants, I had convinced myself that it was worth it for her to be vaccinated against it. But it was a very tough decision. The more I researched things, the more I felt stuck between a rock and a hard place. I read The Vaccine Book by Dr. Sears which goes into detail about vaccine ingredients, side effects, and the diseases they are meant to protect against. Turns out that DTaP has aluminum in it, and when aluminum accumulates in the body, it can lead to a number of different neurological problems and other chronic illnesses. And the rotavirus vaccine contains live disease causing germs that can appear in baby’s stools for up to 15 days.

Well, Ashni did not seem herself after her vaccines. She was excessively tired and not eating much. Also, she got extremely colicky at nighttime – every evening around dinnertime, she would cry inconsolably. It really scared me, but I kept feeding her as much as she’d let me and we waited it out. She eventually started eating more and became less fatigued, but she still continued to cry for a couple hours each night after that. Ashni is generally a good tempered baby and it’s obvious that her nighttime cries are a result of pain. In fact, a movie that every parent of a newborn should watch is Dunstan’s Baby Language – it goes into detail about how a baby’s cry sounds can be interpreted to tell you what the baby needs: “Eh” = burp me, “neh” = feed me, “heh” = physical discomfort (wet diaper/hot/cold/etc), “airh” = lower gas pain, “ow” = tired. Most of Ashni’s evening cries involve “eh” and “airh,” but there’s also a distinctive pain sound that started after her first round of vaccines. I sometimes wonder if her tummy hurts from a mild case of rotavirus or something but there’s really no telling.

I hate having to gamble with the health of my baby, and now I completely understand why some parents choose not to vaccinate. In an effort to possibly prevent one illness, other unintentional harm can be caused. So do you risk the disease or risk the known and unknown side effects of the vaccine? No matter what you do, you’re taking a chance with your child’s health, and it’s not a fun position to be in. Instead of obsessing over vaccines, why don’t people talk more about how to improve immune health and decrease exposure to disease causing agents? This would involve consuming natural antibodies in mother’s milk and keeping away from daycares or other places where sick kids congregate. Unfortunately these measures are very difficult to live by in American culture. With the pressure to return to work soon after giving birth, many mothers have no choice. And milk supply decreases when a mother is put under more stress or when she nurses her baby less frequently. It seems crazy to me that mothers are so often encouraged to be apart from their infants when the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends feeding a baby only breast milk for the first 6 months of its life, and continuing breastfeeding until the child is at least one year old, if not longer.

I’ll do my best to give Ashni a good start, but there’s no telling what will happen. And in terms of her future vaccinations, I still don’t have my mind made up on what to do. My original plan was to follow Dr. Sears’ selective schedule, but now I’m leaning towards waiting for her to get a little older.

And like I said in the beginning, this girl is growing fast. She has pretty good head control and it’s only a matter of time before she starts crawling. Although with the force she kicks, I can tell she wants to run! Check out this video that I took last week!

And we’re back

Back when I found out I was pregnant, one of my biggest fears was that my life would be over. Chris and I were sure that our fun and crazy friends wouldn’t want to have anything to do with us anymore. We thought we were destined for dullness in the suburbs and so we made the most of our remaining DINK days. 

Well, I’m happy to report that our friends haven’t abandoned us and in fact, they were expecting us to be the ones to disappear. But over the past few weeks, we’ve managed to hang out with a lot of people. It’s actually quite amazing to see the baby lover come out in all of them, especially the ones who have no desire to become parents themselves. Strangely enough, everyone seems to be growing up these days and the fear of kids is dissolving away. More and more of our close friends are getting married or getting pregnant. I guess we just had to lead the way! It’s probably a matter of time before everyone meets us on the other side, but until then, we can still hang out and keep doing some of the things we were doing before we started a family.

We’ve already taken Ashni to a number of restaurants without much of a problem. Her car seat fits atop a standard high chair that’s been turned upside down. On a good day she’ll sleep while we eat, but other times she’ll get uncomfortable and we have to pass her around the table as people take turns holding her. Luckily no one ever seems burdened by it and will happily cuddle her. But sometimes when Ashni’s had enough of being held, she prefers to simply lie on the table where she can happily flail her limbs while staring intently at the people eating around her. She’s very fascinated by the way we use utensils and will even mimic our mouth movements! 

At Casa de Luz

Ashni also does well in other social situations – we’ve been to a number of potlucks and parties together. She normally sleeps against Chris’s chest in a carrier, but when she’s tired of being confined, we pull her out and find no shortage of people wanting to hold her. It’s great! 

And as far as my pre-pregnancy hobbies are concerned, I’m making a slow come back. I had my first post-pregnancy belly dance performance with my troupe on Saturday afternoon at Zilker Hillside Theater. Also, I hope to get back into yoga soon. My abs aren’t fully healed enough for my old yoga routine since my sway back and small frame led to minor diastasis recti, but I’ve started following a postpartum workout DVD geared towards abdominal rehabilitation. I’ve also started jogging again. If I go slowly, I can run the entire 2.5 mile loop from my house to the Wells Branch duck pond and back. I have significantly less stamina than my half marathon days, but I’d like to train back to my old speed and distance this summer. Chris and I bought a jogging stroller that Ashni has successfully ridden in a few times, but she’s still pretty small so we have to take extra precautions to secure her. When she’s in a good mood, she’ll take in the trees and scenery with wide eyes, but our last couple outings were cut short because she started crying. Hopefully she’ll come to enjoy the stroller more as she gets older.

 

At the park, waiting for mom to perform

Dancing at Zilker Park

In a couple weeks, Ashni will be three months old! Here are some pictures we’ve taken in the past few weeks. She gets bigger everyday!

Baby Needs

Here I am at 7 weeks postpartum!

I’m not ready to publish our birth story quite yet, but I would like to talk about our bouncing baby girl. Ashni is cuddly and adorable and I love her more every day. Yes, life is different and has brought a whole host of challenges, but I can’t imagine going back to how things were before. It’s weird, I still want to do fun and crazy things, but at the same time, I don’t want to be apart from my baby too long. We’re still adjusting and trying to find some balance, but we’ll figure things out!

Cake for Ashni on her 1 month birthday

All Clean!

Luckily, taking care of little Ashni is getting easier as we get to know her better. She doesn’t cry a whole lot, but when she does, Chris and I can usually figure out what she needs pretty quickly. Whether it’s hunger, boredom, gas pains, tiredness, etc., the same issues tend to come up around the same time each day and can be taken care of before she gets upset. For those times when we can’t determine why she’s being fussy, the 5 S’s (Swaddling, Side/Stomach Position, Swinging, Shushing, Sucking) typically get her to calm down in no time. 

Ashni’s feedings are now shorter (can be done in 15 minutes) and her diaper changes are less frequent. I must admit we were a bit concerned when she turned 4 weeks old and went from 4-6 bowel movements in one day to none the next day, but apparently that’s normal in breastfed infants. We feel like she’s a ticking time bomb now though – she stores things up and has a blowout once every few days. We were pretty astounded the first time it happened. During the end of a nursing session, in the span of just a minute, she filled a clean diaper beyond capacity. The mess extended into her shirt, up her back, and to her neck. We’ve had a few more fun recurrences since then, but luckily they’ve all been at home. Needless to say, we now keep some clean baby outfits in the car just in case. 

If we have to deal with it, so do you!

Nighttimes have also gotten a little more manageable for us. Ashni can usually go all night in just one diaper and breastfeeding is no longer painful for me. Also, now that my incision is more healed, lying on my side to nurse in bed is a lot easier, so I can get more sleep. I still haven’t had a full night of rest though thanks to Ashni’s constant grunting and flailing. Chris will slip into the guest room for uninterrupted sleep before work (I stopped needing Chris’s assistance with night feedings/changes at 3 weeks), but we’re not thrilled with that arrangement. I’m hoping we can work out a better nighttime plan soon. There were a few nights last week when Ashni was quiet and went half the night without needing to feed, but other nights, she was incredibly fussy and had a hard time sleeping soundly. We’ve read lots of conflicting information about nighttime parenting and sleep training, though, so we’re just riding it out. A lot of books talk about scheduled feedings and strict bedtimes, but that would really limit our ability to be spontaneous and hang out with friends. Also, recent research discourages scheduled feedings and recommends nursing on demand whenever baby is hungry, and I’m having a hard time straying from that advice. Besides, it’s pretty unbearable for me to let her cry when I know that nursing will make it all better. So ultimately we’ll play it by ear and do whatever needs to be done to keep us all happy. 

Hopefully this will become a more frequent occurrence... 

And here’s a video of a happy daddy playing with a happy baby girl!

Ashni is 6 Weeks Old!

This little girl is so adorable! Just wanted to share this video I took yesterday of her babbling on her 6 week birthday. Enjoy!

Postpartum Recovery

These past five weeks have been one crazy whirlwind. I will go into detail about the birth story in a later post, but for now I will say that the twenty hours between my water breaking and my sweet baby’s birth on Tuesday February 5th were life changing. Labor at home was a primal, spiritual, and empowering experience that brought me and Chris incredibly close together. I am very thankful we had that time together and that I was able to make so much progress through the contractions. I came very close to pushing Ashni out at home, but ultimately, her heart beat decelerated enough for us to worry about her safety. When we arrived at the hospital, it was decided that she’d be born via cesarean. Although the surgery went just fine, the policies of St. David’s North forbid anyone besides Chris from keeping me company, and I wasn’t allowed to have anyone (even Chris) with me when they prepped me. And once Ashni was removed, Chris was ushered to the nursery with her while I waited alone for the doctors to stitch me up. Eventually I was wheeled into a “recovery” area where machines beeped loudly and I lay by myself, immobilized, shaking uncontrollably. I was left to deal with the shock and devastation of the unanticipated surgery on my own as my midwife pleaded with the staff to be let in. I never did see her and after a painstaking amount of time, I was finally reunited with the baby and Chris. The next few days were then spent in the maternity ward, where despite constant traffic in and out of the room, we received very little information or support. Ultimately we made it out physically okay, but on an emotional level, the hospital’s “care” policies left us pretty wounded.

Postpartum recovery ended up being more challenging than I could have ever imagined. Here are some things I wish I had known when Ashni was born: 

• Emotional recovery from a C-Section (especially the bonding part) 
• Getting breastfeeding off to a good start
• 10 Things I didn’t know about C-Sections

Prior to the birth, I knew to expect sleep deprivation because brand new babies need a lot of care, but I seriously underestimated the level of care that I myself would need. We already had maid service and prepared meals lined up (Studio Kitchen is AMAZING by the way), but it wasn’t until after the birth that I realized those things were more of a necessity than a convenience. I felt like such an invalid. Sure I could nurse the baby (not comfortably), but that was pretty much it. I couldn’t carry her around or bounce her without feeling like my insides were going to rip out. Chris took care of all the diaper changes and brought all my meals to bed. I’d get up only to shuffle to the bathroom, and even that took some assistance. A lot of the physical pain may have been the result of the nurses forgetting my last dose of pain medication though. On the day I was discharged (Friday February 8, three days after the birth), I was too delirious from lack of sleep to realize the dose was missed and that evening, the pain along my incision site was excruciating. Between that and my chewed raw nipples, I was in awful shape and could hardly move. After filling my prescription, we eventually got some of the pain under control, but even then, a lot of the physical discomfort still prevailed. Two days later, my milk came in and I became incredibly engorged. Feeding little Ashni was very difficult and I quickly learned why so many women choose not to breastfeed. We had gotten off to a rough start because I received poor lactation support in the hospital which resulted in some nipple damage. But every two hours, I endured the pain and let her latch on. 

Over the next couple weeks, my nipples healed and my incision line closed up. Chris did his best to take care of me and work at the same time since his company gave him only 3 days of paternity leave. He’d wake up with me for Ashni’s nightly feedings and he’d make me breakfast before leaving for work. He’d also set me up with snacks and lunch unless he knew he was coming home to eat that day. And starting when Ashni was just 5 days old, he’d wear her in the carrier while he cooked us dinner. Valentine’s Day entailed lobster tails and asparagus in bed! A week after that, I made my first venture out for a picnic at our neighborhood duck pond, but moving around was still slow going, so most of my time was still spent inside. Chris’s parents and some very sweet friends made frequent visits to the house and periodically brought us meals – and after all we’d been through, they were very much appreciated. Then after I reached the 2 week post-op mark, Chris’s grandparents came for a visit and got to meet their first great grandchild. A week after that, I finally felt okay enough to let Chris take me and Ashni to Casa de Luz for our first restaurant meal. And that weekend, the first weekend of March, my brother flew in to town and spent some quality time with his brand new niece. He managed to keep her calm and content while Chris and I got the longest stretch of sleep that we had experienced in a month, and he even cooked us dinner – I’m not sure when my baby brother transitioned into a responsible adult, but we really enjoyed his stay!

Admiring Ashni (day after hospital discharge)

Super Dad

Recovering Mom 

Getting Ready for our First Picnic

At the Duck Pond

Ashni with her Nana, Papou, Great-Yiayia, and Great-Papou

Ashni's grandparents got this tree so it could grow with her.

Zilker Park Kite Festival

I’ve managed to do more walking recently. I walked nearly a mile (albeit slowly) when my brother was here and now I can go a bit farther. Chris and I actually walked quite a bit downtown last week and took in some of the SXSW atmosphere. I still get tired quickly and feel my abdominal muscles pull uncomfortably around the incision when I do too much, but I’m making progress. This week I’ve been able to wear Ashni in a sling for brief periods of time so hopefully I’ll get good enough at it to be productive when she’s strapped on! And one day I’ll be healed enough to work out again… not quite there yet but all in good time I suppose.

Until next time! In the meantime, enjoy this photo album: Ashni's First Month!

Ashni Mita Garyet

Some of you may have noticed that I am a "contributing member" of this blog, but that I haven't actually posted anything yet.  Well, today we remedy that situation.  As my first post, I'd like to announce the birth of our daughter, Ashni Mita Garyet.

For those interested in the technical details, she was born on February 5th, 2013 at 11:09 PM by cesarean birth at St. David's North after a beautiful labor at home.  We made the decision to transfer after hearing some unstable heart tones (dropping heart beat) from little Ashni.  Even so, she was beautifully healthy when born, weighing 7 lbs 15 oz at 20 inches long, and scoring a very healthy 9/10 on her APGAR evaluation.  She was and continues to be incredibly alert and engaged, has the cutest little furry ears and shoulders, and is generally the coolest baby ever.

Subina has frequently written about the support that my parents have given her throughout the pregnancy. Words cannot express how invaluable they were for me during the delivery and I hope that one day I can follow the example that they have set as parents.  They are loving their new granddaughter and are every bit the proud and doting Nana and Papou.

Of course we have a huge story to share, and that will come, but perhaps after we've found some sort of rhythm with this new tiny human in our home. And of course we'll be posting many many more pictures, but again, that will come with time and sleep.

Here are a few of my favorites from my own camera and our amazing wonderful incredible outstanding birth photographer, Summer Miles.  You can see all the photos and read her version of our birth story on her website New Soul Birth Photography.

And just because I'm feeling extra motivated today, here's a video that we shot a few days ago of Baby Ashni with the hiccups.  It literally melts my heart to watch every time.

Expect many more posts to follow in the coming weeks, months, and years.  Maybe someday I'll even write something profound and insightful (as the other author of this blog so frequently does). Perhaps I'll write about the intensity that comes from being a new father as I support my wife and newborn, or how un-American it seems that I am back at work 5 days after the birth of my child, or about my new favorite reference book, The Baby Book by Dr. Sears.  But that is for another time.

For now - first post complete.