Trying to Keep Up

Where to begin? I’ve been so busy these past couple months that this is the first time I’ve actually had a chance to sit down and write. Well, when I left off, we had just started enjoying the summer. We spent our weekends going to various places like the pool, outdoor movies, concerts, parties, and so on. Then in mid-August, we celebrated Chris’s 29th birthday at Krause Springs. Since then, we’ve been occupied with being a part of our friends’ wedding, traveling to Atlanta, going to both of our 10 year high school reunions, getting together with friends, and taking on a major patio renovation project.

Although it feels like we’ve been doing a lot, as Ashni gets older, it’s getting much harder to be as spontaneous as we used to be. A few months ago, she was perfectly content to nurse and nap in her carrier while we stayed out as late as we pleased. But she’s gotten too big for that now and it’s not pleasant for anyone when she’s up way past her bedtime. And yes we do have a bedtime for her as we’ve begun to loosely follow a schedule. Our previous system of nap/nurse every couple hours held up well for awhile, but as of now, she needs a bit more than that.

This shift started when Ashni turned 6 months old in August. With her being a super fast crawler, she was getting harder to share a bed with. Not only was she tossing and turning like crazy at night, she was also getting up and crawling around. I’d bolt up numerous times each night to pull her away from the foot of the bed. Also, we’d have to tiptoe around the room or lay somewhat still in an effort to not make the bed creak. Nights had turned into a tiresome game of waking each other up. Chris and I were ready for Ashni to move into the crib, but she didn’t want to go anywhere near it. In fact, regardless of how tired she was, she would refuse to fall asleep in it and would cry until we took her out. And if we laid her down already asleep, she’d wake up within an hour and be beyond upset about finding herself in there. Also, she hadn’t started solids yet and was always ravenous at night. During the day she would get too distracted to get a good feed in and would try to make up for it in bed. But she was no longer falling asleep during these night long nursing sessions so none of us slept as a result. We hoped that starting solids would help, so on August 18, we held her Annaprashan, or First Rice Ceremony. In Indian culture, a baby’s first time eating solid food is a pretty big deal, so we invited some friends over and made a whole bunch of Indian food. When giving Ashni a little taste of everything, we used the same silver spoon that my mom used for me 27 years ago. And at the end of the ceremony, we had Ashni crawl towards a blanket of objects to symbolize her future career. From the book, pen, cash, and potted plant, she chose the book. I suppose that means we have a little scholar on our hands!



From that day forward, in addition to breast milk every few hours, we would feed her organic baby rice cereal and mashed fruit three times a day. But contrary to what the pediatrician and parenting books said, tanking her up on solids did not make her a better sleeper. So the following weekend, we attended a seminar on baby sleep solutions. We were hoping for no/low cry advice, but were told it would do us no good. The sleep consultant and our pediatrician insisted on using the interval (or Ferber) sleep training method, something I was vehemently opposed to. Ultimately, Chris and I agreed to do it, but only halfway. The method basically involves doing some sort of bedtime routine and then putting the tired baby in the crib and leaving. The baby cries and after 10-15 minutes, the parents return to soothe the baby for a minute before leaving again. This is repeated until the baby finally cries to sleep (1-2 hours in our case) and then again when the baby wakes up however many times in the middle of the night. Supposedly after a week of this, the baby will fall asleep without crying when placed in the crib.




Well, when we started, it was instantly obvious why this is so controversial. It violates every natural instinct in your being. When your baby just wants to be in your arms, it feels beyond cruel to not let them. And I couldn’t stand to let Ashni cry for that long in a 24 hour stretch of time (it just seemed extremely unhealthy) so our halfway version of Ferberizing involved having her cry it out in the crib only at bedtime. Then when she’d awaken for her late night feedings, I’d pull her back into our bed where she’d stay until the morning. During the day, I would try the crib again, but if it looked like she was going to cry for the entirety of her naptime, I’d put her in the swing so she could get some sleep. Come eight or nine o’ clock at night, though, she wasn’t given that luxury and we fought it out. This went on for a few weeks, but we slowly got her acclimated to falling asleep and staying asleep in the crib. Also, I eventually started nursing her in her room for her night feedings, and she’d fall back asleep in the crib when she finished. I then started phasing out the swing for daytime naps, and as of now, with Ashni at 8 months old, we can finally say we have a crib sleeper.




The sleep transition isn’t the only big thing we’ve been through these last few months. As of September 13, I resigned my job of six years and officially became a full-time mom. Over the summer it became increasingly difficult to manage Ashni and I realized that she was only going to require more attention as time went on. It perpetually felt like I was falling short. Either I was neglecting work or my little girl or Chris or myself. It got to the point where we hired a nanny to help out part time, but I still wasn’t getting as much work done as I wanted to and I was constantly stressed out. For my own happiness and sanity, I reassessed my priorities and finally made the difficult decision to put in my notice. The hardest part of it all was leaving behind an amazing boss and good work environment. Not a lot of people have that and it kept me hanging on. But now that I’m done, I am happier than I thought possible. I’m finally able to appreciate what I have and devote my time to what matters, guilt-free.

The funniest part about this new job of mine is that I don’t really have that much more free time. Before I resigned, I kept thinking about all the things I could do at home. But the reality is that Ashni keeps me super busy. She gets up at seven in the morning and between feeding her and cleaning up and playing with her and putting her down for a nap and repeating it all, my day just flies by and I find myself wondering what happened. But I don’t think I’d have it any other way right now.

On the move at 5 months!

So in the blink of an eye, another month has gone by. And Ashni hasn’t ceased to amaze us. She now weighs 16 lbs 13 oz – just over double her birth weight. Also she’s moved beyond simply wriggling around on her belly. In the past couple weeks, she figured out how to pick her chest up off the floor, rock her entire body back and forth while on her hands and knees, and propel herself forward by flinging both arms out in front of her. She started doing this on cushioned surfaces about a week or two ago, but now even our hardwood floors don’t phase her. In fact, she’s starting to transition from rocking her whole body to moving just her hands and then pulling the rest of her body while scooting her legs. She looks like a cute little inchworm. 

Here she is at the beginning of the month when she first started rocking and flinging forward:

And here she is stalking Pepper just last night:

Another thing that Ashni enjoys immensely is standing and stomping with some assistance. She can completely support herself if she has something to hold on to. In this video, she is standing and jumping against the back of our couch:

The craziest part about all this is that she still can’t sit up unsupported. She’s almost there, but when you try to help her sit, she just leans forward onto her hands and knees and takes off (at inchworm speed mind you). She’s capable of sitting in a bumbo seat, but she doesn’t enjoy it very much. She’ll tolerate it while we eat dinner, but only because we entertain her and replace toys as she flings them off her tray. Once we stop distracting her, it’s usually a short while before she discontentedly whines and squirms. But no surprise there, she’s always hated being restrained. 

We took this video the day she first got her bumbo seat, and we were amazed at the way she played in it.

In other news, on June 15th, Ashni officially gained an aunt – Chad and Nagisa got married! The wedding took place right before sunset at the Oasis on Lake Travis. Ashni even got to be the flower girl.

Scattering rose petals (with some assistance) - wedding photography by LewChan

Mrs. Garyet(s)

Since then, we’ve been pretty busy with Austin summer activities. We celebrated Ashni’s first Fourth of July at Auditorium Shores where she was totally captivated by the fireworks. We also attended a number of outdoor movies, concerts, pool parties, boat outings, and more. With the Texas heat, it’s a good thing that Ashni enjoys the water. In fact, she might enjoy it too much. When she’s not kicking and splashing, we have to be careful to keep her face away from the water– otherwise, she tries very aggressively to drink it all by lapping it up like a puppy. But hopefully we can get her past that when it’s time for her to learn to swim! 

Watching fireworks the night before Nana's birthday and Ashni's 5 Month birthday

Papou is such a good influence

Slip n' Slide!

All in all, it’s shaping up to be a good summer. I’m really thankful that having a baby hasn’t slowed us down and that we’ve been able to partake in so many fun activities. Things may be a little more complicated than they used to be, but I wouldn’t change it. Sharing these experiences with Ashni has been good for us. And even though she won’t remember any of this, seeing the way she’s been taking everything in is pretty extraordinary and I hope that one day she'll come to enjoy what we enjoy. She’s been a good sport about everything so far and we’re pretty lucky – we couldn’t ask for anything more.

Baby Travels

Ashni turned 17 weeks old today and she has already been on a number of adventures. We’ve been camping with her twice and we’ve also successfully traveled with her to the east coast – more details on that trip in a bit. Ashni has also hit some amazing milestones. When people say that babies grow up fast, it’s truly an understatement. The way things are headed, I know I’m going to have trouble keeping up with this girl. It’s just a matter of time.

Hiking with our little adventurer

We took Ashni on her first camping trip in late April when she was 10 weeks old. We headed back to the same exact spot on Lake Travis where we camped almost a year prior. But this time at Arkansas Bend Park, there was no rain or lightening, just us and the same friends we were there with before. Also, despite the cold weather, Ashni loved being outside. She had a crying spell during dinner, but after getting her calm, she slept happily beside me, nestled in my sleeping bag. And the next day when it warmed up, she napped on the lake shore. She didn’t even stir as Chris, Jaidev, and Josh spent a good portion of the morning helping a stranded park ranger. The poor ranger got the wheel of her truck stuck on a tree stump when she drove out on the isolated peninsula where we were camped, but the boys successfully got her out.

Cooling off after some hard work

Our next camping trip was when Ashni was 14 weeks of age. This time we went to New Braunfels and set up on the shore of the Guadalupe River for our friend Krystal’s birthday. And on this trip, Ashni was a genuinely happy baby. She contentedly stared at trees and the people around her while she sat in her car seat protected by a mosquito net. Everyone remarked at what a good baby she was. And in the morning when we woke up in the tent, Ashni surprised me and Chris by rolling over completely on her own. Luckily I was prepared and caught it on video!

Enjoying the Guadalupe River Bank

Three days after we got back from camping, Chris and I embarked on a plane for Atlanta. Passing through security wasn’t too stressful, but getting there took longer than usual since you can only get a boarding document for a “lap child” at the ticket counter. But once we did that, everything else was okay. TSA officials were surprisingly kind – something that I wasn’t expecting. Also, Southwest let us check the stroller and car seat at the gate for free. And once we got on the plane, Ashni peacefully slept/nursed during the entire flight. We were expecting a rough time, but she wasn’t the least bit bothered by the whole experience.

After arriving, we rented a car and drove to Marietta so my parents could meet their first grandchild. They had never visited us in Austin because my dad isn’t in the best health. He’s coping with stage five of Parkinson’s disease and my mother serves as his caretaker, so they preferred that we come to them. And when we got to the door, we were greeted with much joy. My mom excitedly cuddled Ashni and cooed in Bengali before placing her in my father’s lap. And at that moment, tears streamed down his face. My father has never been the type to express any emotion, so this was pretty moving. It’s almost as if the illness makes him more human.

Ashni Meets Didima and Dadu

Ashni looks more like my mom than I do.

Hanging out with Uncle Ru

Three Generations

After spending a few days at my parents’ house, Chris and I drove with Ashni to the outer banks of North Carolina. We stopped for a night in Raleigh at a comfy Airbnb home before continuing on to Corolla for the wedding of our dear friends Sam and Sean. They had a beautiful little ceremony on the beach and everything was very baby-friendly which we appreciated. 

Karaoke at the Beach House

We stayed a couple more days to enjoy the ocean and even dipped Ashni’s toes into the Atlantic – her very first experience in a body of water. Also, on the night of our five year wedding anniversary, Chris and I slipped away for a bit to sit with Ashni in a gazebo overlooking the moonlit beach. My heart was full of love for our beautiful little family and I felt so very blessed and happy. Then Chris pulled out a gift for me – his great grandmother’s wedding ring. It was so sweet, but even without it, I know for certain that I would marry him again in a heartbeat.

After our getaway at the beach, we drove back to Atlanta, but this time without an overnight stop. Ashni napped a little in the car, but she also had a few meltdowns where she was absolutely inconsolable until I picked her up and held her. Despite this, given her history with the car seat, we found her to be much more tolerant than expected.

Once in Atlanta, I got a couple more videos of her. Ashni has gotten pretty good at standing up while being supported. She can also scoot around on her belly a bit, but I wouldn’t call it a full crawl. It seems like her legs go full strength, but she doesn’t know what to do with her arms – the end result looks like she’s plowing her face into whatever surface she’s on.

So like I said before, this girl is growing up unbelievably fast. On Saturday, I visited a high school friend who had just given birth three weeks prior and Ashni looked like a giant compared to her newborn! And when we got home to Austin on Sunday, Chris’s parents remarked that she was a lot more interactive than when they saw her a couple weeks before. So not much longer until our baby is cutting teeth, walking, talking, and driving off to college…

We have a 3 month old!

On May 5th, Ashni turned 3 months old! Chris and I have found that she is much more babylike now. I can hold her on my hip with one arm as she sits and looks around. Also, now her little coos and squeaks have morphed into shouts, babbles, gurgles and drools. Lots of drools. Her mouth is always on something, and whatever that something is gets sopping wet. She really likes grabbing at just about anything and then bringing her hand to her mouth. When I pass her off to people, I have to be careful that she doesn’t take a little fistful of my hair with her. And when she doesn’t have something to munch on, she chews on her own tongue. Either that or she sticks both hands into her mouth and plays with her tongue and gums. It’s really cute even though it’s totally gross.

At her 3 month checkup, she weighed 13 lbs, 10 oz. Also, she did a lot better with her next round of vaccines. She got Prevnar (to protect against pneumococcal bacteria) and ActHib (Hib is a bacterial disease that can cause meningitis). Those two shots are typically given at 2 months with DTaP and Rotavirus (so no vaccines are given at 3 months), but we decided to spread them out to reduce aluminum overload. And at the appointment, our doctor actually advised us to discontinue DTaP since Ashni had nightly screaming fits for the first three weeks following her initial dose of the vaccine. He thought it was a neurological reaction to the pertussis component of the shot. It’s a shame that the whooping cough vaccine comes with such terrible side effects.

Pediatrician Visit at 3 Months

Ashni’s 3 month birthday came with another big event – mommy’s return to work. I’ve been back for two weeks now and it’s been crazy. I’m working from home for the most part, but when I go in physically, Chris’s parents come over to watch Ashni. I’m glad that I’m bringing in some income without putting my baby in a childcare facility, but the very first week, I was unsure how long I could make it last – I was very overwhelmed and my workload seemed daunting. Staying up into the wee hours of the night, I was able to get things done, but I felt like I was completely neglecting my family. Thankfully, after a few days of continuous work, I got some downtime to catch my breath, and it didn’t seem so terrible anymore. My work typically comes in waves so there’s no telling how busy I can be. It seems like I can manage for now, but I’ll be taking it one week at a time.

And next week will be big – Chris and I are taking our first real trip with the baby. We’re flying to Atlanta so my parents can meet Ashni. We’re also planning a road trip to the Outer Banks of North Carolina for a wedding. That’s 630 miles from my parents’ house, or roughly an 11 hour drive. Ashni doesn’t usually enjoy her car seat so we’re already anticipating a challenge, but hopefully a week at the beach will be worth it!

Baby’s First Pediatrician Visit

Every day I look at Ashni, she seems just a little bit bigger. Even in the span of a day, Chris will remark that she has grown between the time he left for work and the time he got back. She’s now at least 4 lbs heavier than her birth weight and she’s 3 inches taller – two weeks ago, at her 2 month pediatrician visit, she weighed in at 12 lbs 5 oz. Chris and I find it crazy that a person can grow so much by consuming only breast milk, nature is an amazing thing! Ashni is clearly thriving and we’re so very fortunate that all is well.

A couple weeks ago, we weren’t so sure. Her initial visit with the doctor was good and I was even commended for doing a great job feeding her since she was growing so well. But then the nurse administered her first round of vaccines. First we fed Ashni her initial dose of the 3 dose oral rotavirus vaccine, RotaTeq. I was unhappy with the ingredient profile – after being so cautious to limit artificial ingredients and preservatives in my own diet to produce cleaner milk, it felt ridiculous to feed her those kinds of things directly. But I had gone back and forth for a really long time and finally decided to go ahead with it. Next, she got her first DTaP shot, Sanofi’s Daptacel. This one made us both unhappy. Poor Ashni screamed when the needle went in her thigh and I had to nurse her for quite awhile before her pained crying subsided. Because whooping cough has made a resurgence in Austin and can be fatal for infants, I had convinced myself that it was worth it for her to be vaccinated against it. But it was a very tough decision. The more I researched things, the more I felt stuck between a rock and a hard place. I read The Vaccine Book by Dr. Sears which goes into detail about vaccine ingredients, side effects, and the diseases they are meant to protect against. Turns out that DTaP has aluminum in it, and when aluminum accumulates in the body, it can lead to a number of different neurological problems and other chronic illnesses. And the rotavirus vaccine contains live disease causing germs that can appear in baby’s stools for up to 15 days.

Well, Ashni did not seem herself after her vaccines. She was excessively tired and not eating much. Also, she got extremely colicky at nighttime – every evening around dinnertime, she would cry inconsolably. It really scared me, but I kept feeding her as much as she’d let me and we waited it out. She eventually started eating more and became less fatigued, but she still continued to cry for a couple hours each night after that. Ashni is generally a good tempered baby and it’s obvious that her nighttime cries are a result of pain. In fact, a movie that every parent of a newborn should watch is Dunstan’s Baby Language – it goes into detail about how a baby’s cry sounds can be interpreted to tell you what the baby needs: “Eh” = burp me, “neh” = feed me, “heh” = physical discomfort (wet diaper/hot/cold/etc), “airh” = lower gas pain, “ow” = tired. Most of Ashni’s evening cries involve “eh” and “airh,” but there’s also a distinctive pain sound that started after her first round of vaccines. I sometimes wonder if her tummy hurts from a mild case of rotavirus or something but there’s really no telling.

I hate having to gamble with the health of my baby, and now I completely understand why some parents choose not to vaccinate. In an effort to possibly prevent one illness, other unintentional harm can be caused. So do you risk the disease or risk the known and unknown side effects of the vaccine? No matter what you do, you’re taking a chance with your child’s health, and it’s not a fun position to be in. Instead of obsessing over vaccines, why don’t people talk more about how to improve immune health and decrease exposure to disease causing agents? This would involve consuming natural antibodies in mother’s milk and keeping away from daycares or other places where sick kids congregate. Unfortunately these measures are very difficult to live by in American culture. With the pressure to return to work soon after giving birth, many mothers have no choice. And milk supply decreases when a mother is put under more stress or when she nurses her baby less frequently. It seems crazy to me that mothers are so often encouraged to be apart from their infants when the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends feeding a baby only breast milk for the first 6 months of its life, and continuing breastfeeding until the child is at least one year old, if not longer.

I’ll do my best to give Ashni a good start, but there’s no telling what will happen. And in terms of her future vaccinations, I still don’t have my mind made up on what to do. My original plan was to follow Dr. Sears’ selective schedule, but now I’m leaning towards waiting for her to get a little older.

And like I said in the beginning, this girl is growing fast. She has pretty good head control and it’s only a matter of time before she starts crawling. Although with the force she kicks, I can tell she wants to run! Check out this video that I took last week!

And we’re back

Back when I found out I was pregnant, one of my biggest fears was that my life would be over. Chris and I were sure that our fun and crazy friends wouldn’t want to have anything to do with us anymore. We thought we were destined for dullness in the suburbs and so we made the most of our remaining DINK days. 

Well, I’m happy to report that our friends haven’t abandoned us and in fact, they were expecting us to be the ones to disappear. But over the past few weeks, we’ve managed to hang out with a lot of people. It’s actually quite amazing to see the baby lover come out in all of them, especially the ones who have no desire to become parents themselves. Strangely enough, everyone seems to be growing up these days and the fear of kids is dissolving away. More and more of our close friends are getting married or getting pregnant. I guess we just had to lead the way! It’s probably a matter of time before everyone meets us on the other side, but until then, we can still hang out and keep doing some of the things we were doing before we started a family.

We’ve already taken Ashni to a number of restaurants without much of a problem. Her car seat fits atop a standard high chair that’s been turned upside down. On a good day she’ll sleep while we eat, but other times she’ll get uncomfortable and we have to pass her around the table as people take turns holding her. Luckily no one ever seems burdened by it and will happily cuddle her. But sometimes when Ashni’s had enough of being held, she prefers to simply lie on the table where she can happily flail her limbs while staring intently at the people eating around her. She’s very fascinated by the way we use utensils and will even mimic our mouth movements! 

At Casa de Luz

Ashni also does well in other social situations – we’ve been to a number of potlucks and parties together. She normally sleeps against Chris’s chest in a carrier, but when she’s tired of being confined, we pull her out and find no shortage of people wanting to hold her. It’s great! 

And as far as my pre-pregnancy hobbies are concerned, I’m making a slow come back. I had my first post-pregnancy belly dance performance with my troupe on Saturday afternoon at Zilker Hillside Theater. Also, I hope to get back into yoga soon. My abs aren’t fully healed enough for my old yoga routine since my sway back and small frame led to minor diastasis recti, but I’ve started following a postpartum workout DVD geared towards abdominal rehabilitation. I’ve also started jogging again. If I go slowly, I can run the entire 2.5 mile loop from my house to the Wells Branch duck pond and back. I have significantly less stamina than my half marathon days, but I’d like to train back to my old speed and distance this summer. Chris and I bought a jogging stroller that Ashni has successfully ridden in a few times, but she’s still pretty small so we have to take extra precautions to secure her. When she’s in a good mood, she’ll take in the trees and scenery with wide eyes, but our last couple outings were cut short because she started crying. Hopefully she’ll come to enjoy the stroller more as she gets older.

 

At the park, waiting for mom to perform

Dancing at Zilker Park

In a couple weeks, Ashni will be three months old! Here are some pictures we’ve taken in the past few weeks. She gets bigger everyday!

Baby Needs

Here I am at 7 weeks postpartum!

I’m not ready to publish our birth story quite yet, but I would like to talk about our bouncing baby girl. Ashni is cuddly and adorable and I love her more every day. Yes, life is different and has brought a whole host of challenges, but I can’t imagine going back to how things were before. It’s weird, I still want to do fun and crazy things, but at the same time, I don’t want to be apart from my baby too long. We’re still adjusting and trying to find some balance, but we’ll figure things out!

Cake for Ashni on her 1 month birthday

All Clean!

Luckily, taking care of little Ashni is getting easier as we get to know her better. She doesn’t cry a whole lot, but when she does, Chris and I can usually figure out what she needs pretty quickly. Whether it’s hunger, boredom, gas pains, tiredness, etc., the same issues tend to come up around the same time each day and can be taken care of before she gets upset. For those times when we can’t determine why she’s being fussy, the 5 S’s (Swaddling, Side/Stomach Position, Swinging, Shushing, Sucking) typically get her to calm down in no time. 

Ashni’s feedings are now shorter (can be done in 15 minutes) and her diaper changes are less frequent. I must admit we were a bit concerned when she turned 4 weeks old and went from 4-6 bowel movements in one day to none the next day, but apparently that’s normal in breastfed infants. We feel like she’s a ticking time bomb now though – she stores things up and has a blowout once every few days. We were pretty astounded the first time it happened. During the end of a nursing session, in the span of just a minute, she filled a clean diaper beyond capacity. The mess extended into her shirt, up her back, and to her neck. We’ve had a few more fun recurrences since then, but luckily they’ve all been at home. Needless to say, we now keep some clean baby outfits in the car just in case. 

If we have to deal with it, so do you!

Nighttimes have also gotten a little more manageable for us. Ashni can usually go all night in just one diaper and breastfeeding is no longer painful for me. Also, now that my incision is more healed, lying on my side to nurse in bed is a lot easier, so I can get more sleep. I still haven’t had a full night of rest though thanks to Ashni’s constant grunting and flailing. Chris will slip into the guest room for uninterrupted sleep before work (I stopped needing Chris’s assistance with night feedings/changes at 3 weeks), but we’re not thrilled with that arrangement. I’m hoping we can work out a better nighttime plan soon. There were a few nights last week when Ashni was quiet and went half the night without needing to feed, but other nights, she was incredibly fussy and had a hard time sleeping soundly. We’ve read lots of conflicting information about nighttime parenting and sleep training, though, so we’re just riding it out. A lot of books talk about scheduled feedings and strict bedtimes, but that would really limit our ability to be spontaneous and hang out with friends. Also, recent research discourages scheduled feedings and recommends nursing on demand whenever baby is hungry, and I’m having a hard time straying from that advice. Besides, it’s pretty unbearable for me to let her cry when I know that nursing will make it all better. So ultimately we’ll play it by ear and do whatever needs to be done to keep us all happy. 

Hopefully this will become a more frequent occurrence... 

And here’s a video of a happy daddy playing with a happy baby girl!