Ashni Mita Garyet

Some of you may have noticed that I am a "contributing member" of this blog, but that I haven't actually posted anything yet.  Well, today we remedy that situation.  As my first post, I'd like to announce the birth of our daughter, Ashni Mita Garyet.

For those interested in the technical details, she was born on February 5th, 2013 at 11:09 PM by cesarean birth at St. David's North after a beautiful labor at home.  We made the decision to transfer after hearing some unstable heart tones (dropping heart beat) from little Ashni.  Even so, she was beautifully healthy when born, weighing 7 lbs 15 oz at 20 inches long, and scoring a very healthy 9/10 on her APGAR evaluation.  She was and continues to be incredibly alert and engaged, has the cutest little furry ears and shoulders, and is generally the coolest baby ever.

Subina has frequently written about the support that my parents have given her throughout the pregnancy. Words cannot express how invaluable they were for me during the delivery and I hope that one day I can follow the example that they have set as parents.  They are loving their new granddaughter and are every bit the proud and doting Nana and Papou.

Of course we have a huge story to share, and that will come, but perhaps after we've found some sort of rhythm with this new tiny human in our home. And of course we'll be posting many many more pictures, but again, that will come with time and sleep.

Here are a few of my favorites from my own camera and our amazing wonderful incredible outstanding birth photographer, Summer Miles.  You can see all the photos and read her version of our birth story on her website New Soul Birth Photography.

And just because I'm feeling extra motivated today, here's a video that we shot a few days ago of Baby Ashni with the hiccups.  It literally melts my heart to watch every time.

Expect many more posts to follow in the coming weeks, months, and years.  Maybe someday I'll even write something profound and insightful (as the other author of this blog so frequently does). Perhaps I'll write about the intensity that comes from being a new father as I support my wife and newborn, or how un-American it seems that I am back at work 5 days after the birth of my child, or about my new favorite reference book, The Baby Book by Dr. Sears.  But that is for another time.

For now - first post complete.

Still Cooking

That’s right, I’m still pregnant - 41 weeks along as of yesterday or a total of “8 days late” as of today. Some might think there’s something strange about that, but the reality of the situation is that the average length of a normal healthy pregnancy is actually over 41 weeks for first time mothers. This article about “timely birth” points out how absurd it is that inductions are so prevalent in this country. Obviously there are rare cases when a baby is in danger and needs to be removed, but when the little one is growing and moving and getting everything it needs, intervening unnecessarily can cause a whole host of problems. So, as of this moment, I am choosing to trust my body, my baby, and nature to act properly when the time comes. As with most things in life, being patient and not rushing things yields for better outcomes! Meanwhile, the baby can stay safe and sound in my tummy while everyone else anxiously awaits its arrival.

I’ve heard that some people obsessively check my Facebook page because they don’t want to bother me, but I honestly don’t mind contact from people (so long as it doesn’t involve questions on if/when I’m getting induced or getting a C-section or if I’m having labor pains yet). In fact, isolation would probably drive me crazy right now! It’s not like I’m sick or bedridden! Yes, pregnancy does indeed have its sucky moments, but it isn’t the end of the world and I don’t want it to end my social life. Things would be a lot worse if I wasn’t keeping busy. But at the same time I can admit that this “extended” pregnancy has me getting sick of some things…

1. Comments about my body - I am genuinely tired of hearing what everyone thinks about my pregnant body. Unless it involves words like beautiful, radiant, healthy, gorgeous, sexy, etc., I just don’t need the feedback. I already know my “beer belly” is huge, that I’m about to pop, that it looks like I’m having multiples, that my body will “bounce right back” when the baby comes, and that I’m birthing a basketball. Believe it or not, I’ve actually been hearing it all for several months now…

2. Explaining the safety of home birth - I’m not “brave” for wanting to birth at home. Seriously. Watch The Business of Being Born. Read this article. Laboring women who preemptively do drugs via needles gouged into their spine are way braver than I am.

3. Advice from people who don’t believe in natural birth - I’ve done my research, I know what I want, and I have realistic options for what to do if things can’t go as planned. Please stop trying to stress me out.

4. Not participating in athletic stuff - Sure I can still walk several miles and feel just fine, but I am really itching to do more. I want to ride my bike, go skiing, train for a triathlon, perform with my belly dance troupe, go to power yoga, do core class again, swing on a rope swing, go kayaking, and go rock climbing… this bump keeps getting in the way!

5. Feeling creaky - Pelvic pressure, lower back pain, tight hips, sore legs – I suck it up and live my life but damn it can get annoying!

6. Inferior cuddle time - Snuggling is so much harder with a belly in the way. I love it so much but I can’t do it for very long before getting really uncomfortable.

7. Not being able bend in half or see my toes - Well, it is possible to see them, it just takes some extra effort. As does cutting my toenails, putting on socks and shoes, picking things up off the floor, etc.

8. Stretch marks - I went so long without them. I thought I’d be free and clear. But then in the last few weeks the claw marks started appearing. And despite daily application of cocoa butter, coconut oil, and/or aloe, my skin gets itchy from all the stretching and it is impossible to not wildly scratch at it.

9. Inadequate wardrobe - I never have anything to wear anymore and even some of my maternity clothes are getting too small. When I first bought them, I thought it was strange that some of the shirts had elastic around the bottom. But now I understand. Those shirts actually keep the belly covered instead of hanging off the edge and leaving the entire underside exposed. It’s ingenious really.

10. Being the center of attention - I really loved basking in attention a few months ago, but now I’m about ready for normal treatment and non-pregnancy related conversations.

I could go on with this list but then I’d officially be wallowing. I know everything is going to be worth it in the end. And even now, there is plenty of good stuff outweighing the bad. I just wanted to get this off my chest since it takes a lot of energy to stay positive all the time.

Speaking of positivity, this weekend was actually pretty wonderful. After my prenatal yoga class and massage on Saturday, Chris and I took Pepper to Walnut Creek. The weather was gorgeous and we had a nice leisurely walk on the trail. Afterwards, Chris and I picnicked in our backyard and napped in the sun. That evening, I went to Priya’s house for crafting night with the girls – something I really didn’t think I’d be able to do! Then on Sunday morning, Chris and I went to the pond in our neighborhood to take some pregnancy pictures. While doing so, a woman who was walking by stopped and insisted on taking some pictures of the two of us. Turns out she used to be a photographer and she really missed doing it so we let her give it a go!

 

After our little photo shoot, Chris and I went to Town Lake for our weekly walk/run with his parents followed by a nice brunch. By the time we got home, I was super exhausted and managed to sleep the entire afternoon, but at least the nap left me nice and energized for Josh and Priya’s Super Bowl party! We had a good time catching up with friends and it felt like the weekend went by in no time.

Now I’m back at work, trying not to obsess over the days. I can feel the baby bearing down and I’ve been having menstrual like cramps since Thursday, but I’m not going to count on anything. In the meantime, I’m going to see my midwife twice a week for some heavy baby monitoring. The baby seemed fine for its non-stress test today (NST = evaluating fluctuations in the baby's heart rate in response to its own movements) and we’ll do another one on Thursday if I don’t deliver by then. Come next week, if the baby still isn’t ready, we will do a biophysical profile which will entail our first sonogram. I’m not worried since the baby’s been active, but it’ll still be a good thing to do.

Strangely enough, I didn’t actually feel super ready to give birth these last few weeks, but I’m starting to feel a change now. We’ll see what happens.

40 Weeks. Still Here. Still Pregnant.

My coworkers got a kick out of this sign I made this morning. Now they don’t have to turn the corner to see if I’ve gone into labor yet!

But this week, I won’t hold it against anyone for asking. The weekend, the full moon, and my due date (Jan. 27) have officially come and gone. All the baby development tracking calendars I’ve been following say something along the lines of, “Congratulations, you have reached your due date! You may have an induction if you don’t deliver in the next two weeks.” So helpful!

But this is what I’ve been preparing for. I had a feeling for quite some time that the baby would choose a later birthday. And that’s okay. I can’t complain when there are so many helpless parents of preemies in NICU out there. Also, I still don’t feel the misery that other anxious pregnant mothers feel so that’s another thing that has me in good spirits at the moment. What few inconveniences there are, I’ve gotten pretty used to and I’m just relishing in the fact that I’m not experiencing any swelling or unbearable discomfort. Also, as an added benefit, I now have more time to go out and do things that I won’t be able to do postpartum.

This weekend was pretty great. On Friday night, Chris and I celebrated eight years of being together with a fancy dinner at Trace. We then went to Lauren’s game night to hang out with some friends that we hadn’t seen in a while. On Saturday, I took a prenatal yoga class at Get Babied and also got a massage. That evening, we met up with our friends Sam and Sean for pizza and karaoke. After that, we found ourselves at Richard and Ruby’s house. Now that they have a Wii U, we’ve been spending countless hours playing Super Mario at their place. And that game still brings me as much joy as it did when I was in elementary school! On Sunday morning, Chris and I went for our weekly walk/run with his parents. His mom and I intended to go 2 miles, but we accidentally did 3 after I distractedly led us in the wrong direction. It felt great though and surely the extra exercise didn’t hurt. A woman even stopped me on the trail to ask how far along I was and when I told her it was my due date, she exclaimed “And you can still walk?!” Well, no one told me I shouldn’t be able to. That evening, Chris and I got some more baby stuff taken care of. He figured out how to install the car seat while I packed a hospital bag since we want to be ready in case a transfer becomes necessary.

So now the wait is on. I’ve been getting a lot of sweet messages from friends letting me know I’m in their thoughts and prayers and I really appreciate it. This baby is going to be born into a lot of love!

Dreams, Doubts, and Denial

At 39 weeks, I haven’t quite reached my due date but coworkers consistently ask, “Wow, you’re still here?” Yes I’m still going to work and I’m in complete denial about the prospect of labor happening at any given moment. I just brush off the weird comments (for example, “Don’t sneeze, ha ha…” was yesterday’s highlight) and go about my daily business since I don’t feel any closer to delivery than I did a month ago. I guess I’ve experienced some minor contractions and cramps randomly over the past couple weeks, but they tend to subside quickly enough for me to not take them too seriously. I understand that Braxton Hicks can start several months before labor and that pre-labor itself can go on for a few weeks. But it all just feels so normal. I’ve gotten used to being pregnant and I’m still in no hurry to get this baby out. My aches and pains have subsided a bit now that I’m using a pilates ball instead of a chair at work. I should have switched months ago, it has made a world of a difference! Also, prenatal massages are wonderful and I’m going to miss having an excuse to get them on a regular basis!

Richard and Ruby were a lifesaver with this ball so I'll forgive Richard for saying I look like a snowman

I must admit though that all this feeling good has me a little worried. It seems as if things are going too well and as a result something bad is bound to happen. One of my biggest concerns at the moment is how bad flu season has been this year. Chris and I have been spared so far, but he was exposed to a coworker with the flu a few days ago and yesterday evening he started complaining about allergy-like symptoms. I don’t think he has a fever, but he’s never had allergies in his life. He’s taking some time now to rest and I’m hoping that whatever it is will pass quickly without affecting me or the baby. I’ve been taking precautions, but last night a weird dream really rattled me. In it, my mom was telling me that a natural birth wasn’t possible and I screamed back at her saying that she was wrong, that I could do anything, and that I was determined to be better than her. I usually don’t remember my dreams and when I do they don’t make much sense, so the profound nature of this one blew my mind. I must admit that it came with no surprise that in a dream my mom would play a manifestation of my own preoccupations. My parents have always played a pessimistic role in my life and have never been very supportive of my hobbies, interests, exercise routine, social life, etc. as it’s all too much in their opinion. They always discourage behaviors that make for a more stable, well-rounded, happy, and healthy life. Before I was pregnant, my mom told me it was crazy to run a half marathon and that I exercised too much. Sure it was fun proving her wrong, but I’d much prefer proud loving support over hostility. Also, her disapproval levels only bumped up after the pregnancy. “Wait, you went camping? Hiking is dangerous! And you better not be belly dancing anymore!” How am I supposed to have a relationship with someone that perpetually puts me on the defensive? In her opinion, pregnant women shouldn’t run or dance or stay out late with friends. And even from a thousand miles away she manages to criticize what I wear and what I eat despite the fact that we speak only once every couple weeks. Our phone conversations aren’t even real conversations. They are more like emotionally draining interviews where you get drilled with irrelevant questions and then judged based on some inane criteria that don’t accurately represent you at all. Wow, here I am, a married mother-to-be, ranting like a teenager about how her mom doesn’t “know” her. I sure hope I am able to do better with my children!

Speaking of parental disapproval, I’ll go ahead and mention that I’ve been quite the hooligan staying out late this week. My due date is this weekend so Chris and I have been making the most of the time we have left. On Friday, we had our own respective boys’ and girls’ nights out. Back when we got married, Chris never had a bachelor party and it still bothers him to this day. I’d try to make him feel better by saying he didn’t need one since we still act like wild college kids, but I’m glad he was finally able to have a ceremonial last night of freedom. He ended up with one heck of a “man shower.” And I think it worked out better this way since late night diaper changes and baby responsibilities are way more life changing than marriage to someone who encourages your crazy ways! So while he was out on Friday, I had a really nice time with friends at Cru before going to a show at Spider House. And when I got home a little after 2 am, I was welcomed by a happily inebriated husband and some of our guy friends who ended up staying the night. Might I add that I did not go into labor, although everyone did ask if we had seen what happened with Lily and Marshall in How I Met Your Mother (S07 E22). Yes that was a funny episode and no that didn’t happen with us.

On Saturday morning, Chris and I went to a cloth diapering class, well aware of what a drastic shift it was from what we were doing the night before. But we found that amusing and ended up learning some useful information. The next day, Chris’s Aunt Katie was in town and we spent the day with her and Chris’s parents. Then the rest of the week went by pretty quickly since we hung out with friends almost every night. Last night was actually our first night in and after cooking and eating dinner, we made a belly cast! It was a messy process, but was totally worth it. I can’t wait to share pictures after it cures and dries!

Well, that’s all for now. Not sure if the baby’s actually coming in three days but we’ll see!

Getting Closer



This Morning at 38.5 Weeks

I have 10 more days until the due date so that translates to anywhere between 0 and 24 days until I give birth. This means a lot of things. For one, I get almost daily comments about how round my belly is and how I look like I’m about to pop. Secondly, the woes of the last stage of pregnancy are just now starting to set in. Although my third trimester started 10 weeks ago, I’ve done my best to stay active and healthy and I’ve been fortunate enough to miss out on some of the common complaints that other pregnant women typically have. Until now that is. I still don’t have it as bad as some people, but I do find it pretty slow going when it comes to getting out of bed or a chair, getting out of the car, getting dressed, and doing other mundane things that I used to take for granted. Also, regardless of what I do in a day, whether it involves sitting for 8 hours at work, doing prenatal yoga, watching a movie, walking 3-4 miles at the park, or doing nothing at all, my body doesn’t seem to know the difference. Every evening my joints, legs, hips, and lower back act like I just finished my first half marathon! I am really looking forward to the massage I have scheduled for this weekend - a good night’s sleep is hard to get when you’re aching.

Speaking of sleep, I had my first bout of pregnancy insomnia last weekend. Around 3 am I woke up feeling like it was 3 pm. I couldn’t seem to quiet my panicky thoughts about the baby coming in two weeks. Chris woke up too so I read to him for a bit and after he fell back asleep I went upstairs to the baby’s room, sat in the glider, and read some more. The sun seemed like it was ready to come out by the time I crawled back into bed, but I slept until almost noon and haven’t had any issues since then.

So now we wait. I’m keeping busy with work, hanging out with friends that I might not see again for a couple months, and enjoying alone time with Chris. People keep telling me how close I am and constantly ask me if I’m eager for the baby to be out of me. The truth is that I’m not quite there yet, although I don’t know what I’ll be saying a week from now! Yes I am looking forward to some things like front hugs instead of awkward side hugs, tummy sleeping, and my pre-pregnancy yoga routine, but I have no clue how much recovery time I’ll need before finding some semblance of normalcy. Also, first time moms (who give birth naturally) typically go beyond their due date so I’m trying to mentally prepare for that possibility. Yes there’s a full moon the night before my due date and yes conception was on a full moon and yes my cycles typically match the moon, but I still want to be ready for anything. One of the ladies in my childbirth class had her homebirth 10 days after her expected delivery date! There’s no telling what can happen! Also, in all the cases of my friends going past their due dates, they’ve had positive natural birth experiences and their babies have been strong. So I tell my baby, “Take your time and grow. Be healthy and come out when you’re ready. On your birthday, mommy and daddy will happily welcome you. We will nurture you and we will love you no matter what!”

Father of My Child

Surprisingly enough, over the last nine months, pregnancy hormones haven’t made me too crazy emotional. It might have a little to do with me not being super sappy to begin with, but I don’t want to let that stop me from expressing some feelings that probably don’t get communicated often enough.

So Chris, let me start by saying thank you, I love you, and I’m so glad to have you by my side. You are an amazing partner and you will be an excellent father.

Thank you for embracing my eccentric ways. You didn’t bat an eye when I panicked over the carcinogenic ingredients in our toiletries and you were totally supportive of us switching to natural soap after we watched Dr. Bronner's Magic Soapbox. You didn’t give me a hard time for buying baking soda and apple cider vinegar in lieu of shampoo and conditioner. You even bought me raw cocoa butter and coconut oil so I could make my own lotion since everything at the store had so many chemicals.

Thank you for the time you helped me pack up our pantry and get rid of anything containing GMOs, preservatives, and non-food ingredients. Thank you for buying me reverse-osmosis filtered water when I panicked about fluoride. And thank you for supporting my desire to live more naturally in our unnatural society.

You’ve always been willing to listen to my ideas and consider multiple viewpoints. Thank you for working with me instead of being an adversary. Vaccine safety? Attachment parenting? With all the parental decisions that are to come, I know that we will complement each other well. And I know that I can always look to you as an endless source of loving support.

I really appreciate how involved and engaged you’ve been throughout this pregnancy. Although I didn’t expect anything less from you, I can’t say I know many other men who would watch The Business of Being Born and countless other baby documentaries without excessive wifely pressure. Thank you for caring. And thank you for your endless open-mindedness. Unlike other husbands who would’ve freaked out at the notion of a non-hospitalized birth, you were more than supportive in considering all our options and even helped set up our initial midwife interviews. After we found the perfect one, you were adamant about being at every prenatal appointment and haven’t missed a single one. You enthusiastically participated in things like the baby wearing class, all our childbirth classes, and our couples’ yoga workshop. I love that you find it strange that other dads-to-be wouldn’t do the same. And with regards to baby showers you wondered, why wouldn’t the father want to participate? One of the many reasons I love you and am happy that I married you.

Thank you for being there for me. You take care of me when I'm sick. You help me with my pants and shoes when I get frustrated at how long it takes for me to manage them. You let me wear your shirts to bed and button me up in your jacket since nothing seems to fit me anymore. You wash the pots since I can’t do it without getting soaked. You help keep the house clean so I can maintain my sanity. You carry the laundry basket for me and take out the trash. You support my interests and hobbies. You’ve come to cheer me on at every one of my belly dance shows. You take me to my favorite restaurant every week. And even though you got me a prenatal massage package you still rub my aching muscles on a regular basis. You read to me and the baby. You hold me until I fall asleep. You never refrain from showing affection and you make me feel like the most beautiful woman alive. You are compassionate and kind. 

This baby is so lucky to have you for a father. You show it so much love, the way you snuggle my belly and try to play with its toes. The way you laugh when you lean your head on my stomach and the little one kicks against your face. You get so giddy when we go into the nursery – after we finished it you couldn’t stop gushing about our little baby and the baby room. I love how enthusiastic you are when you talk to anyone about anything related to our unborn child. You’re going to make such an amazing daddy. You’re strong, caring, and so engaged. It melts my heart.

The day the baby decides to come, I know you will be the best birth companion imaginable. You know me better than anyone else and your strength and compassion will be invaluable during labor and parenthood itself. I love that I can talk to you about anything and everything. We have no secrets and we are so connected. You are my best friend.

What I've done to get you, I don't know. But I thank God every day because I'm so lucky and fortunate and blessed. You bring so much love, happiness, and joy into my life – I can’t conceptualize going through any of this without you. You are everything anyone could ever want in a husband and you’re the best partner I could ever imagine having in life. You mean the world to me and I love you so much.

Working Mom

The other day when we were discussing work, Chris’s brother seemed surprised and exclaimed, “Wait, I thought you quit!” I’m not quite sure how that notion came about but it’s far from the truth!

It then occurred to me that I don’t talk about my job a whole lot, but I guess that means there isn’t much to complain about. I’m pretty content with what I do and I have a good work-life balance. I hit my 5 year anniversary at Myriad RBM this past September and I plan to work until I go into labor. People say that’s serious devotion but for me it’s a matter of maximizing the amount of time I can spend with the baby when it gets here. With most American companies, parental leave and infant care don’t fit into the corporate world too well. The United States has the worst policy in the world in terms of paid leave – no paid leave. All one can expect is a total of 12 weeks of unpaid leave with unchanged benefits and a guarantee that the same job will be available on return. Luckily my company offers some compensation though. They require that I use five days of my accrued paid time off for the first week but after that they will give me 70% of my salary for the remaining 11 weeks. Payment for 6 of those weeks have to come from short term disability insurance though so there is a lot of paperwork to deal with, and after over a month of waiting I still haven’t heard back from my company’s HR headquarters.

When that gets squared away though, and after my 12 weeks are up, I’m hoping to be able to work from home. My work is pretty computer-heavy so I could feasibly get a lot done remotely. Unfortunately after my company got acquired by Myriad in Utah, we now have to jump through hoops for things. Apparently they have a strict no-working-from-home-without-the-CEO’s-approval policy. Not RBM’s CEO, but Myriad Genetics in Utah’s CEO. And according to our local HR rep, getting his approval is very tough. Luckily my boss, my boss’s boss, my boss’s boss’s boss, and RBM’s CEO are fully supportive of me working from home when the baby comes, but all of them still need to submit a proposal and pitch it to Utah. Oh the joys of being a subsidiary. Well, the proposal has been in the works for a while now and I just finished a personal statement to add to it:

"I am seeking approval to work from home after my maternity leave expires so that I can ease the financial burden of infant care and experience the benefits of raising my newborn. It has been extremely challenging for me to find an infant care program that can match the level of care that I as a mother would provide. Unfortunately, over half of my take-home salary would be required for such a daycare. Also, aside from the prohibitive costs, I would feel immense guilt over leaving my baby at a facility for 10 hours each day. I would miss important milestones in my developing child’s life and would not be able to justify it from a monetary standpoint.

Thankfully my current job position is one that I can succeed at remotely off-hours. Having a flexible schedule and no commute would allow for my husband and in-laws to care for my baby when I work. Avoiding the distress of placing my newborn in daycare would also help my productivity – it will be much easier to focus on work with the knowledge that my little one is in good hands!"

We’ll see where this goes. Hopefully things won’t continue to stay up in the air like this for too much longer. The due date clock is ticking… just 24 more days!