Baby Needs

Here I am at 7 weeks postpartum!

I’m not ready to publish our birth story quite yet, but I would like to talk about our bouncing baby girl. Ashni is cuddly and adorable and I love her more every day. Yes, life is different and has brought a whole host of challenges, but I can’t imagine going back to how things were before. It’s weird, I still want to do fun and crazy things, but at the same time, I don’t want to be apart from my baby too long. We’re still adjusting and trying to find some balance, but we’ll figure things out!

Cake for Ashni on her 1 month birthday

All Clean!

Luckily, taking care of little Ashni is getting easier as we get to know her better. She doesn’t cry a whole lot, but when she does, Chris and I can usually figure out what she needs pretty quickly. Whether it’s hunger, boredom, gas pains, tiredness, etc., the same issues tend to come up around the same time each day and can be taken care of before she gets upset. For those times when we can’t determine why she’s being fussy, the 5 S’s (Swaddling, Side/Stomach Position, Swinging, Shushing, Sucking) typically get her to calm down in no time. 

Ashni’s feedings are now shorter (can be done in 15 minutes) and her diaper changes are less frequent. I must admit we were a bit concerned when she turned 4 weeks old and went from 4-6 bowel movements in one day to none the next day, but apparently that’s normal in breastfed infants. We feel like she’s a ticking time bomb now though – she stores things up and has a blowout once every few days. We were pretty astounded the first time it happened. During the end of a nursing session, in the span of just a minute, she filled a clean diaper beyond capacity. The mess extended into her shirt, up her back, and to her neck. We’ve had a few more fun recurrences since then, but luckily they’ve all been at home. Needless to say, we now keep some clean baby outfits in the car just in case. 

If we have to deal with it, so do you!

Nighttimes have also gotten a little more manageable for us. Ashni can usually go all night in just one diaper and breastfeeding is no longer painful for me. Also, now that my incision is more healed, lying on my side to nurse in bed is a lot easier, so I can get more sleep. I still haven’t had a full night of rest though thanks to Ashni’s constant grunting and flailing. Chris will slip into the guest room for uninterrupted sleep before work (I stopped needing Chris’s assistance with night feedings/changes at 3 weeks), but we’re not thrilled with that arrangement. I’m hoping we can work out a better nighttime plan soon. There were a few nights last week when Ashni was quiet and went half the night without needing to feed, but other nights, she was incredibly fussy and had a hard time sleeping soundly. We’ve read lots of conflicting information about nighttime parenting and sleep training, though, so we’re just riding it out. A lot of books talk about scheduled feedings and strict bedtimes, but that would really limit our ability to be spontaneous and hang out with friends. Also, recent research discourages scheduled feedings and recommends nursing on demand whenever baby is hungry, and I’m having a hard time straying from that advice. Besides, it’s pretty unbearable for me to let her cry when I know that nursing will make it all better. So ultimately we’ll play it by ear and do whatever needs to be done to keep us all happy. 

Hopefully this will become a more frequent occurrence... 

And here’s a video of a happy daddy playing with a happy baby girl!

Ashni is 6 Weeks Old!

This little girl is so adorable! Just wanted to share this video I took yesterday of her babbling on her 6 week birthday. Enjoy!

Postpartum Recovery

These past five weeks have been one crazy whirlwind. I will go into detail about the birth story in a later post, but for now I will say that the twenty hours between my water breaking and my sweet baby’s birth on Tuesday February 5th were life changing. Labor at home was a primal, spiritual, and empowering experience that brought me and Chris incredibly close together. I am very thankful we had that time together and that I was able to make so much progress through the contractions. I came very close to pushing Ashni out at home, but ultimately, her heart beat decelerated enough for us to worry about her safety. When we arrived at the hospital, it was decided that she’d be born via cesarean. Although the surgery went just fine, the policies of St. David’s North forbid anyone besides Chris from keeping me company, and I wasn’t allowed to have anyone (even Chris) with me when they prepped me. And once Ashni was removed, Chris was ushered to the nursery with her while I waited alone for the doctors to stitch me up. Eventually I was wheeled into a “recovery” area where machines beeped loudly and I lay by myself, immobilized, shaking uncontrollably. I was left to deal with the shock and devastation of the unanticipated surgery on my own as my midwife pleaded with the staff to be let in. I never did see her and after a painstaking amount of time, I was finally reunited with the baby and Chris. The next few days were then spent in the maternity ward, where despite constant traffic in and out of the room, we received very little information or support. Ultimately we made it out physically okay, but on an emotional level, the hospital’s “care” policies left us pretty wounded.

Postpartum recovery ended up being more challenging than I could have ever imagined. Here are some things I wish I had known when Ashni was born: 

• Emotional recovery from a C-Section (especially the bonding part) 
• Getting breastfeeding off to a good start
• 10 Things I didn’t know about C-Sections

Prior to the birth, I knew to expect sleep deprivation because brand new babies need a lot of care, but I seriously underestimated the level of care that I myself would need. We already had maid service and prepared meals lined up (Studio Kitchen is AMAZING by the way), but it wasn’t until after the birth that I realized those things were more of a necessity than a convenience. I felt like such an invalid. Sure I could nurse the baby (not comfortably), but that was pretty much it. I couldn’t carry her around or bounce her without feeling like my insides were going to rip out. Chris took care of all the diaper changes and brought all my meals to bed. I’d get up only to shuffle to the bathroom, and even that took some assistance. A lot of the physical pain may have been the result of the nurses forgetting my last dose of pain medication though. On the day I was discharged (Friday February 8, three days after the birth), I was too delirious from lack of sleep to realize the dose was missed and that evening, the pain along my incision site was excruciating. Between that and my chewed raw nipples, I was in awful shape and could hardly move. After filling my prescription, we eventually got some of the pain under control, but even then, a lot of the physical discomfort still prevailed. Two days later, my milk came in and I became incredibly engorged. Feeding little Ashni was very difficult and I quickly learned why so many women choose not to breastfeed. We had gotten off to a rough start because I received poor lactation support in the hospital which resulted in some nipple damage. But every two hours, I endured the pain and let her latch on. 

Over the next couple weeks, my nipples healed and my incision line closed up. Chris did his best to take care of me and work at the same time since his company gave him only 3 days of paternity leave. He’d wake up with me for Ashni’s nightly feedings and he’d make me breakfast before leaving for work. He’d also set me up with snacks and lunch unless he knew he was coming home to eat that day. And starting when Ashni was just 5 days old, he’d wear her in the carrier while he cooked us dinner. Valentine’s Day entailed lobster tails and asparagus in bed! A week after that, I made my first venture out for a picnic at our neighborhood duck pond, but moving around was still slow going, so most of my time was still spent inside. Chris’s parents and some very sweet friends made frequent visits to the house and periodically brought us meals – and after all we’d been through, they were very much appreciated. Then after I reached the 2 week post-op mark, Chris’s grandparents came for a visit and got to meet their first great grandchild. A week after that, I finally felt okay enough to let Chris take me and Ashni to Casa de Luz for our first restaurant meal. And that weekend, the first weekend of March, my brother flew in to town and spent some quality time with his brand new niece. He managed to keep her calm and content while Chris and I got the longest stretch of sleep that we had experienced in a month, and he even cooked us dinner – I’m not sure when my baby brother transitioned into a responsible adult, but we really enjoyed his stay!

Admiring Ashni (day after hospital discharge)

Super Dad

Recovering Mom 

Getting Ready for our First Picnic

At the Duck Pond

Ashni with her Nana, Papou, Great-Yiayia, and Great-Papou

Ashni's grandparents got this tree so it could grow with her.

Zilker Park Kite Festival

I’ve managed to do more walking recently. I walked nearly a mile (albeit slowly) when my brother was here and now I can go a bit farther. Chris and I actually walked quite a bit downtown last week and took in some of the SXSW atmosphere. I still get tired quickly and feel my abdominal muscles pull uncomfortably around the incision when I do too much, but I’m making progress. This week I’ve been able to wear Ashni in a sling for brief periods of time so hopefully I’ll get good enough at it to be productive when she’s strapped on! And one day I’ll be healed enough to work out again… not quite there yet but all in good time I suppose.

Until next time! In the meantime, enjoy this photo album: Ashni's First Month!

Ashni Mita Garyet

Some of you may have noticed that I am a "contributing member" of this blog, but that I haven't actually posted anything yet.  Well, today we remedy that situation.  As my first post, I'd like to announce the birth of our daughter, Ashni Mita Garyet.

For those interested in the technical details, she was born on February 5th, 2013 at 11:09 PM by cesarean birth at St. David's North after a beautiful labor at home.  We made the decision to transfer after hearing some unstable heart tones (dropping heart beat) from little Ashni.  Even so, she was beautifully healthy when born, weighing 7 lbs 15 oz at 20 inches long, and scoring a very healthy 9/10 on her APGAR evaluation.  She was and continues to be incredibly alert and engaged, has the cutest little furry ears and shoulders, and is generally the coolest baby ever.

Subina has frequently written about the support that my parents have given her throughout the pregnancy. Words cannot express how invaluable they were for me during the delivery and I hope that one day I can follow the example that they have set as parents.  They are loving their new granddaughter and are every bit the proud and doting Nana and Papou.

Of course we have a huge story to share, and that will come, but perhaps after we've found some sort of rhythm with this new tiny human in our home. And of course we'll be posting many many more pictures, but again, that will come with time and sleep.

Here are a few of my favorites from my own camera and our amazing wonderful incredible outstanding birth photographer, Summer Miles.  You can see all the photos and read her version of our birth story on her website New Soul Birth Photography.

And just because I'm feeling extra motivated today, here's a video that we shot a few days ago of Baby Ashni with the hiccups.  It literally melts my heart to watch every time.

Expect many more posts to follow in the coming weeks, months, and years.  Maybe someday I'll even write something profound and insightful (as the other author of this blog so frequently does). Perhaps I'll write about the intensity that comes from being a new father as I support my wife and newborn, or how un-American it seems that I am back at work 5 days after the birth of my child, or about my new favorite reference book, The Baby Book by Dr. Sears.  But that is for another time.

For now - first post complete.

Still Cooking

That’s right, I’m still pregnant - 41 weeks along as of yesterday or a total of “8 days late” as of today. Some might think there’s something strange about that, but the reality of the situation is that the average length of a normal healthy pregnancy is actually over 41 weeks for first time mothers. This article about “timely birth” points out how absurd it is that inductions are so prevalent in this country. Obviously there are rare cases when a baby is in danger and needs to be removed, but when the little one is growing and moving and getting everything it needs, intervening unnecessarily can cause a whole host of problems. So, as of this moment, I am choosing to trust my body, my baby, and nature to act properly when the time comes. As with most things in life, being patient and not rushing things yields for better outcomes! Meanwhile, the baby can stay safe and sound in my tummy while everyone else anxiously awaits its arrival.

I’ve heard that some people obsessively check my Facebook page because they don’t want to bother me, but I honestly don’t mind contact from people (so long as it doesn’t involve questions on if/when I’m getting induced or getting a C-section or if I’m having labor pains yet). In fact, isolation would probably drive me crazy right now! It’s not like I’m sick or bedridden! Yes, pregnancy does indeed have its sucky moments, but it isn’t the end of the world and I don’t want it to end my social life. Things would be a lot worse if I wasn’t keeping busy. But at the same time I can admit that this “extended” pregnancy has me getting sick of some things…

1. Comments about my body - I am genuinely tired of hearing what everyone thinks about my pregnant body. Unless it involves words like beautiful, radiant, healthy, gorgeous, sexy, etc., I just don’t need the feedback. I already know my “beer belly” is huge, that I’m about to pop, that it looks like I’m having multiples, that my body will “bounce right back” when the baby comes, and that I’m birthing a basketball. Believe it or not, I’ve actually been hearing it all for several months now…

2. Explaining the safety of home birth - I’m not “brave” for wanting to birth at home. Seriously. Watch The Business of Being Born. Read this article. Laboring women who preemptively do drugs via needles gouged into their spine are way braver than I am.

3. Advice from people who don’t believe in natural birth - I’ve done my research, I know what I want, and I have realistic options for what to do if things can’t go as planned. Please stop trying to stress me out.

4. Not participating in athletic stuff - Sure I can still walk several miles and feel just fine, but I am really itching to do more. I want to ride my bike, go skiing, train for a triathlon, perform with my belly dance troupe, go to power yoga, do core class again, swing on a rope swing, go kayaking, and go rock climbing… this bump keeps getting in the way!

5. Feeling creaky - Pelvic pressure, lower back pain, tight hips, sore legs – I suck it up and live my life but damn it can get annoying!

6. Inferior cuddle time - Snuggling is so much harder with a belly in the way. I love it so much but I can’t do it for very long before getting really uncomfortable.

7. Not being able bend in half or see my toes - Well, it is possible to see them, it just takes some extra effort. As does cutting my toenails, putting on socks and shoes, picking things up off the floor, etc.

8. Stretch marks - I went so long without them. I thought I’d be free and clear. But then in the last few weeks the claw marks started appearing. And despite daily application of cocoa butter, coconut oil, and/or aloe, my skin gets itchy from all the stretching and it is impossible to not wildly scratch at it.

9. Inadequate wardrobe - I never have anything to wear anymore and even some of my maternity clothes are getting too small. When I first bought them, I thought it was strange that some of the shirts had elastic around the bottom. But now I understand. Those shirts actually keep the belly covered instead of hanging off the edge and leaving the entire underside exposed. It’s ingenious really.

10. Being the center of attention - I really loved basking in attention a few months ago, but now I’m about ready for normal treatment and non-pregnancy related conversations.

I could go on with this list but then I’d officially be wallowing. I know everything is going to be worth it in the end. And even now, there is plenty of good stuff outweighing the bad. I just wanted to get this off my chest since it takes a lot of energy to stay positive all the time.

Speaking of positivity, this weekend was actually pretty wonderful. After my prenatal yoga class and massage on Saturday, Chris and I took Pepper to Walnut Creek. The weather was gorgeous and we had a nice leisurely walk on the trail. Afterwards, Chris and I picnicked in our backyard and napped in the sun. That evening, I went to Priya’s house for crafting night with the girls – something I really didn’t think I’d be able to do! Then on Sunday morning, Chris and I went to the pond in our neighborhood to take some pregnancy pictures. While doing so, a woman who was walking by stopped and insisted on taking some pictures of the two of us. Turns out she used to be a photographer and she really missed doing it so we let her give it a go!

 

After our little photo shoot, Chris and I went to Town Lake for our weekly walk/run with his parents followed by a nice brunch. By the time we got home, I was super exhausted and managed to sleep the entire afternoon, but at least the nap left me nice and energized for Josh and Priya’s Super Bowl party! We had a good time catching up with friends and it felt like the weekend went by in no time.

Now I’m back at work, trying not to obsess over the days. I can feel the baby bearing down and I’ve been having menstrual like cramps since Thursday, but I’m not going to count on anything. In the meantime, I’m going to see my midwife twice a week for some heavy baby monitoring. The baby seemed fine for its non-stress test today (NST = evaluating fluctuations in the baby's heart rate in response to its own movements) and we’ll do another one on Thursday if I don’t deliver by then. Come next week, if the baby still isn’t ready, we will do a biophysical profile which will entail our first sonogram. I’m not worried since the baby’s been active, but it’ll still be a good thing to do.

Strangely enough, I didn’t actually feel super ready to give birth these last few weeks, but I’m starting to feel a change now. We’ll see what happens.

40 Weeks. Still Here. Still Pregnant.

My coworkers got a kick out of this sign I made this morning. Now they don’t have to turn the corner to see if I’ve gone into labor yet!

But this week, I won’t hold it against anyone for asking. The weekend, the full moon, and my due date (Jan. 27) have officially come and gone. All the baby development tracking calendars I’ve been following say something along the lines of, “Congratulations, you have reached your due date! You may have an induction if you don’t deliver in the next two weeks.” So helpful!

But this is what I’ve been preparing for. I had a feeling for quite some time that the baby would choose a later birthday. And that’s okay. I can’t complain when there are so many helpless parents of preemies in NICU out there. Also, I still don’t feel the misery that other anxious pregnant mothers feel so that’s another thing that has me in good spirits at the moment. What few inconveniences there are, I’ve gotten pretty used to and I’m just relishing in the fact that I’m not experiencing any swelling or unbearable discomfort. Also, as an added benefit, I now have more time to go out and do things that I won’t be able to do postpartum.

This weekend was pretty great. On Friday night, Chris and I celebrated eight years of being together with a fancy dinner at Trace. We then went to Lauren’s game night to hang out with some friends that we hadn’t seen in a while. On Saturday, I took a prenatal yoga class at Get Babied and also got a massage. That evening, we met up with our friends Sam and Sean for pizza and karaoke. After that, we found ourselves at Richard and Ruby’s house. Now that they have a Wii U, we’ve been spending countless hours playing Super Mario at their place. And that game still brings me as much joy as it did when I was in elementary school! On Sunday morning, Chris and I went for our weekly walk/run with his parents. His mom and I intended to go 2 miles, but we accidentally did 3 after I distractedly led us in the wrong direction. It felt great though and surely the extra exercise didn’t hurt. A woman even stopped me on the trail to ask how far along I was and when I told her it was my due date, she exclaimed “And you can still walk?!” Well, no one told me I shouldn’t be able to. That evening, Chris and I got some more baby stuff taken care of. He figured out how to install the car seat while I packed a hospital bag since we want to be ready in case a transfer becomes necessary.

So now the wait is on. I’ve been getting a lot of sweet messages from friends letting me know I’m in their thoughts and prayers and I really appreciate it. This baby is going to be born into a lot of love!

Dreams, Doubts, and Denial

At 39 weeks, I haven’t quite reached my due date but coworkers consistently ask, “Wow, you’re still here?” Yes I’m still going to work and I’m in complete denial about the prospect of labor happening at any given moment. I just brush off the weird comments (for example, “Don’t sneeze, ha ha…” was yesterday’s highlight) and go about my daily business since I don’t feel any closer to delivery than I did a month ago. I guess I’ve experienced some minor contractions and cramps randomly over the past couple weeks, but they tend to subside quickly enough for me to not take them too seriously. I understand that Braxton Hicks can start several months before labor and that pre-labor itself can go on for a few weeks. But it all just feels so normal. I’ve gotten used to being pregnant and I’m still in no hurry to get this baby out. My aches and pains have subsided a bit now that I’m using a pilates ball instead of a chair at work. I should have switched months ago, it has made a world of a difference! Also, prenatal massages are wonderful and I’m going to miss having an excuse to get them on a regular basis!

Richard and Ruby were a lifesaver with this ball so I'll forgive Richard for saying I look like a snowman

I must admit though that all this feeling good has me a little worried. It seems as if things are going too well and as a result something bad is bound to happen. One of my biggest concerns at the moment is how bad flu season has been this year. Chris and I have been spared so far, but he was exposed to a coworker with the flu a few days ago and yesterday evening he started complaining about allergy-like symptoms. I don’t think he has a fever, but he’s never had allergies in his life. He’s taking some time now to rest and I’m hoping that whatever it is will pass quickly without affecting me or the baby. I’ve been taking precautions, but last night a weird dream really rattled me. In it, my mom was telling me that a natural birth wasn’t possible and I screamed back at her saying that she was wrong, that I could do anything, and that I was determined to be better than her. I usually don’t remember my dreams and when I do they don’t make much sense, so the profound nature of this one blew my mind. I must admit that it came with no surprise that in a dream my mom would play a manifestation of my own preoccupations. My parents have always played a pessimistic role in my life and have never been very supportive of my hobbies, interests, exercise routine, social life, etc. as it’s all too much in their opinion. They always discourage behaviors that make for a more stable, well-rounded, happy, and healthy life. Before I was pregnant, my mom told me it was crazy to run a half marathon and that I exercised too much. Sure it was fun proving her wrong, but I’d much prefer proud loving support over hostility. Also, her disapproval levels only bumped up after the pregnancy. “Wait, you went camping? Hiking is dangerous! And you better not be belly dancing anymore!” How am I supposed to have a relationship with someone that perpetually puts me on the defensive? In her opinion, pregnant women shouldn’t run or dance or stay out late with friends. And even from a thousand miles away she manages to criticize what I wear and what I eat despite the fact that we speak only once every couple weeks. Our phone conversations aren’t even real conversations. They are more like emotionally draining interviews where you get drilled with irrelevant questions and then judged based on some inane criteria that don’t accurately represent you at all. Wow, here I am, a married mother-to-be, ranting like a teenager about how her mom doesn’t “know” her. I sure hope I am able to do better with my children!

Speaking of parental disapproval, I’ll go ahead and mention that I’ve been quite the hooligan staying out late this week. My due date is this weekend so Chris and I have been making the most of the time we have left. On Friday, we had our own respective boys’ and girls’ nights out. Back when we got married, Chris never had a bachelor party and it still bothers him to this day. I’d try to make him feel better by saying he didn’t need one since we still act like wild college kids, but I’m glad he was finally able to have a ceremonial last night of freedom. He ended up with one heck of a “man shower.” And I think it worked out better this way since late night diaper changes and baby responsibilities are way more life changing than marriage to someone who encourages your crazy ways! So while he was out on Friday, I had a really nice time with friends at Cru before going to a show at Spider House. And when I got home a little after 2 am, I was welcomed by a happily inebriated husband and some of our guy friends who ended up staying the night. Might I add that I did not go into labor, although everyone did ask if we had seen what happened with Lily and Marshall in How I Met Your Mother (S07 E22). Yes that was a funny episode and no that didn’t happen with us.

On Saturday morning, Chris and I went to a cloth diapering class, well aware of what a drastic shift it was from what we were doing the night before. But we found that amusing and ended up learning some useful information. The next day, Chris’s Aunt Katie was in town and we spent the day with her and Chris’s parents. Then the rest of the week went by pretty quickly since we hung out with friends almost every night. Last night was actually our first night in and after cooking and eating dinner, we made a belly cast! It was a messy process, but was totally worth it. I can’t wait to share pictures after it cures and dries!

Well, that’s all for now. Not sure if the baby’s actually coming in three days but we’ll see!